Family Vacation Mom can coax dad into anything. Especially when it comes to buying things. The 98’ pansy purple Dodge Caravan is just one of those things dad got suckered into buying. Besides,dad's 85’ Chevy Celebrity that grandpa gave him was an accident waiting to happen.
"is" + cliche + "was" ‘Zzzz! Zzzz! Zzzz!’ ‘Mom! Grandpa's snoring again!’ My sister shouted from the middle row of dads new 98’ pansy purple Dodge Caravan. ‘Pa!’ my dad quickly responded ‘WAKE UP!’ ‘Oh!’ my grandpa awakened. Rattled by the sudden noise. ‘Grandpa I’m trying to read, don’t you have any consideration!’ flailing her lips. I gazed over at her and murmured ‘respect your elders.’ She stared at me with that demonic smirk she always gave me when I played big brother. not a complete sentence, also, the "her" isn't clear
Mom shouted from the passengers seat. ‘Vanessa take that look off your face and Joey zip it!’ ‘But mom Joey started it!’ Vanessa shouted. ‘Jesus Christ, can’t we just go on vacation without you kids acting like wild animals.’
who, and how was it conveyed? I looked over at my grandma who was sitting beside me. ‘Nope I guess not’ she smiled. On my other side I had Grandpa who appeared to be nodding off again. Either that or he was trying to catch flies with his eyes closed and his mouth hung open. I tapped my Uncle Joe on the shoulder to ask him what time it was. No answer. I whispered to my grandma ‘he must be sleeping’.
She put her arm around me and showed me the time. ‘What does that say JoJo Bello?’
'Hmm…11 o’clock' I responded. Grandma had a citizen watch on that complimented her outfit. It was so small I was surprised she could even read it. Speech must be in separate lines.
‘Grandma one time dad drove the Celebrity without any keys. He just yanked the keys out and kept on going.’ I rambled. ‘Hey Joe don’t be a tattletale,’ he responded from upfront ‘besides, I think Grandma has heard that story plenty of times haven’t yeah Grandma?’ ‘Yes dear’ she replied. ‘Why don’t you close your eyes and get some rest, tomorrow's a big day its your first day back to school and now you're in grade 5’ I cuddled close to Grandma. I felt her warm and safe arms wrap me so delicately. She tickled my forehead because she knew it would put me to sleep. 'Zzzz zzz zzz!' I was out. I don’t remember falling asleep. I don’t remember dreaming at all either. All I remember is the horrific scream that echoed from Grandma’s mouth. I opened my eyes. Jolted to attention and noticed we were heading straight toward a cloud of white smoke. The car felt like an airplane experiencing turbulence. My dad shouted ‘EVERYBODY HOLD ON!!’ We drove straight through the white cloud. ‘HOLY SHIT’ I screamed. I couldn’t believe what I saw.
The mini-van flew in the sky like a figure skater performing a triple axel. Instead of landing in perfect formation, the one-ton of metal plowed through the guardrail like a freight train off its tracks: landing upside down in a ditch around 100 meters away. Our 98’ Dodge Caravan came to a screeching halt. Dad, mom and uncle Joe scurried to the mini-van in desperation. I heard a man's voice scream ‘call an ambulance!’ From where I was seated I could see everything but I could hear everything. My Grandma was in tears. My Grandpa looked discombobulated. Vanessa couldn’t take her eyes of my parents. I couldn’t take my eyes of my parents either. A man got out of the mutilated van. He was the only one though. Vanessa saw my mom rush back to the van. She swung open the van door. I could hear a baby screaming at the top of its lungs.
How about "My mom rushed back to the van and swung open the door." ‘Hurry give me a blanket God Dammit!’ I gave mom the blanket wrapped around me. She swung the door closed. The baby's ear-piercing cry wasn’t so distinct now. Vanessa and I climbed into the front seat. We seen my mom wrap the baby that the father had pulled out of the van. My dad tried to pull what seemed to be a lady out of the drivers seat. She didn’t budge. In the distance red and white lights flickered. They came from behind our van now to. In no time that place was lit up like a Christmas tree. The beaming lights blinded Vanessa and I. So we both hopped out the driver’s side door. My grandmother screamed like she did before only louder this time. We ran closer to see what had happened. Their dad knelt by the driver side door where the lady still remained. He had the most agonizing look on his face and his arm firmly clutched his shoulder. We shouted to him but he didn’t respond.
Family Vacation
Mom can coax dad into anything. Especially when it comes to buying things.
The 98’ pansy purple Dodge Caravan is just one of those things dad got suckered into buying. Besides, dad's 85’ Chevy Celebrity that grandpa gave him was an accident waiting to happen.
"is" + cliche + "was"
‘Zzzz! Zzzz! Zzzz!’
‘Mom! Grandpa's snoring again!’
My sister shouted from the middle row of dads new 98’ pansy purple Dodge Caravan.
‘Pa!’ my dad quickly responded ‘WAKE UP!’
‘Oh!’ my grandpa awakened. Rattled by the sudden noise.
‘Grandpa I’m trying to read, don’t you have any consideration!’ flailing her lips.
I gazed over at her and murmured ‘respect your elders.’
She stared at me with that demonic smirk she always gave me when I played big brother.
not a complete sentence, also, the "her" isn't clear
Mom shouted from the passengers seat.
‘Vanessa take that look off your face and Joey zip it!’
‘But mom Joey started it!’ Vanessa shouted.
‘Jesus Christ, can’t we just go on vacation without you kids acting like wild animals.’
who, and how was it conveyed?
I looked over at my grandma who was sitting beside me.
‘Nope I guess not’ she smiled.
On my other side I had Grandpa who appeared to be nodding off again. Either that or he was trying to catch flies with his eyes closed and his mouth hung open.
I tapped my Uncle Joe on the shoulder to ask him what time it was. No answer.
I whispered to my grandma ‘he must be sleeping’.
She put her arm around me and showed me the time. ‘What does that say JoJo Bello?’
'Hmm…11 o’clock' I responded. Grandma had a citizen watch on that complimented her outfit. It was so small I was surprised she could even read it.
Speech must be in separate lines.
‘Grandma one time dad drove the Celebrity without any keys. He just yanked the keys out and kept on going.’ I rambled.
‘Hey Joe don’t be a tattletale,’ he responded from upfront ‘besides, I think Grandma has heard that story plenty of times haven’t yeah Grandma?’
‘Yes dear’ she replied.
‘Why don’t you close your eyes and get some rest, tomorrow's a big day its your first day back to school and now you're in grade 5’
I cuddled close to Grandma. I felt her warm and safe arms wrap me so delicately. She tickled my forehead because she knew it would put me to sleep.
'Zzzz zzz zzz!' I was out.
I don’t remember falling asleep. I don’t remember dreaming at all either. All I remember is the horrific scream that echoed from Grandma’s mouth.
I opened my eyes. Jolted to attention and noticed we were heading straight toward a cloud of white smoke. The car felt like an airplane experiencing turbulence.
My dad shouted
‘EVERYBODY HOLD ON!!’
We drove straight through the white cloud.
‘HOLY SHIT’ I screamed.
I couldn’t believe what I saw.
The mini-van flew in the sky like a figure skater performing a triple axel. Instead of landing in perfect formation, the one-ton of metal plowed through the guardrail like a freight train off its tracks: landing upside down in a ditch around 100 meters away.
Our 98’ Dodge Caravan came to a screeching halt. Dad, mom and uncle Joe scurried to the mini-van in desperation.
I heard a man's voice scream ‘call an ambulance!’
From where I was seated I could see everything but I could hear everything.
My Grandma was in tears. My Grandpa looked discombobulated. Vanessa couldn’t take her eyes of my parents. I couldn’t take my eyes of my parents either.
A man got out of the mutilated van. He was the only one though.
Vanessa saw my mom rush back to the van. She swung open the van door.
I could hear a baby screaming at the top of its lungs.
How about "My mom rushed back to the van and swung open the door."
‘Hurry give me a blanket God Dammit!’ I gave mom the blanket wrapped around me. She swung the door closed.
The baby's ear-piercing cry wasn’t so distinct now.
Vanessa and I climbed into the front seat. We seen my mom wrap the baby that the father had pulled out of the van. My dad tried to pull what seemed to be a lady out of the drivers seat. She didn’t budge.
In the distance red and white lights flickered. They came from behind our van now to. In no time that place was lit up like a Christmas tree.
The beaming lights blinded Vanessa and I. So we both hopped out the driver’s side door. My grandmother screamed like she did before only louder this time. We ran closer to see what had happened.
Their dad knelt by the driver side door where the lady still remained. He had the most agonizing look on his face and his arm firmly clutched his shoulder. We shouted to him but he didn’t respond.